We all feel frustrated not a new thing these days. It was long back when someone said me “I’m proud” but I didn’t know about what? I heard what did the person meant and I felt so frustrated by those words I stopped acting to everything happening around me I wanted to scream out loud and say:
“I’m too hard on myself I know, I just want a moment, sit back marvel at my life think about the grief that made me soft, think about the heartbreaks that made me wise, think of the suffering that made me strong and despite all of this I till grew which is the reason I am PROUD .
This always disturbed me so bad; I had to look up to my family issues already all the time, at night always check on my mother whether she gets good sleep or no, hear my father’s snores and be calm thinking he’s getting good sleep, I’d always be awake like an owl cause sleep doesn’t meet me every day it comes like a blue moon. And still I would get up late in the morning with a smile don’t let anyone see my frustration would give breakfast to my siblings, serve tea for mom, bring my dad a cup of milk hah, my dad is such a baby till now….
I do feel happy, I do smile when I’m alone, I do think a lot about others and myself too, but when I feel frustrated I feel brave and strong and broken all at once.
It’s said when we eat chocolate ice-cream, it can reduce and relieve our mental stress and the funny fact is that when I’m feeling blue I crave to have ice-creams no matter how much cold or migraines I have. Even though we may come from different places and speak different languages, our hearts beat as one. Similarly, we all are addicted to some kind of sadness.
I’m still frustrated now, because one of my friends when I asked these days you don’t read my blogs? The reply I got back was, “before also I never used to read it. This made me feel so demotivated and gray, because the idea of writing blogs came up to me and I did it, I could only count on my friend to help me get support until I found new bloggers here who would comment on my blogs like them follow me back etc….. this made me feel good and at the same time bad too. I was in a state of tante. I feel as if I’m the sand being thrown against the wind, and the wind blows me back again. I felt so sad that I could just look at green the whole time hogging a lot of dark fantasy biscuits. Though, I know I won’t get them so, I would just use my best tool of taking deep breaths and remembering I could do anything once I’ve practiced it 200 times. Seriously.
I come to know my expectations are the ones feeding my frustration, so I start to hope more and expect less, it’s not easy though. To look on the brighter side, when I feel angry or frustrated I come to know when I’m made of. Frustration helps me to grow my roses of success when all I have is ashes of disasters.