That feels when born,

That feels when just 9 years old,

That feels when sweet 16,

That feels when finally 18 and free,

That feel when found love, married at 25,

That feels when be blessed to hold first born after a lot of prayers,

That feels when see the child grow up,

That feel when struggle for money, job, child’s school fee etc….

That feels when child’s marriage,

That feels when old and to see family complete and happy,

That feels when lying on bed, waiting for heaven’s call,

Suddenly I open my eyes because for again I was born…..



New Beginning!!!!

“You can’t just wish or hope for something to come true, you need to make it happen.”

Just like that let’s start first of all  Happiest New 2018 to all my bloggers, reader, friends, loved ones……

Last year wasn’t so good for all of us but we can make our this year to be good by tackling all our difficulties, we feel everything is fine but the problem arises later which we ignore, let it be unseen….

After every twelve months there is a new set of awaiting twelve months again which we celebrate as new year  and after every 12 months we have that one last day 31st december where we all will come down to our knees and ask for forgivness, or thank Lord that he helped us walk through hell and be with us for the next hell or heaven we need to walk from….

All I need to say is…..beleive in yourself and all will be fine. I had no resolutions, no excitement for new year too because it comes every year, just go on with flow…


Just Thought….

When you have everything what could you possibly desire?

In this world nothing is partial if we do bad we get bad and vice-versa. Similarly, in nature- did you know about the largest flower Rafflesia the only means of it to pollinate and make more of their kind is by the help of Elephants, so whenever we see those flowers in forests we know elephants will be there near. That flower smells of rotten meat that even a human being can die by sniffing it, just like that elephants can see the beauty of its smell and get attracted to it. There is nothing such as bad or good, we are the ones who name things as being good or bad. This simple philosophy if explained to some idiotic fool will understand much more better than the ones who are more educated. This life has taught me that not just being educated says your qualifications but the learning you have from experiences makes you know things much more.

I had previously noticed in a picture that two ladies standing on the bus stop with their sole kids, and a beggar was on the other side of the road. One lady said to her child, “if you don’t study, you’ll become like that man sitting there.” While the other lady told her child, “you need to study hard so that you can do something for that beggar sitting there.” What are we people these days, you can’t just say that you are in the modern world if you don’t apply modern rules all over. My mom has taught me such things and from her learning I can conclude that no one is big or small all are the same, just that we society give each other the names of big and small, I can also proudly say by her teachings that we should be respectful to even dirty and nasty people because  our mother has raised us well.

The kind of words what we speak is also something which says about our actions….


So at last now we have reached at the end of the year so quickly that when we celebrated new yesr it was only January and now we see December…..

Many of them didn’t want the year to end so quick and relive it again and again in the coming years….while many of them also want the year to end so fast waiting to relive atleast something good again and again. For most of the year ended too slow while for others it ended up to fast.

In a blink of our eye from summer to rainy to winter is where we stand now, wearing cozy clothes to feel good, pleasant, warm etc for the chills and thrills…

I have so much more to say but this is enough to how much I’ve put forth my feelings.


“The less you do, the less you or think or feel or breathe or exists, the better.” We all need some shade but I don’t like shade, I am the one who loves sun…….this poem I dedicate for that one shady person who has known me,nurtured me….even though I always had shade…the rays of the sun seemed much more interesting for me…

A while ago, I saw her dressed in green, so fair she might have weakened in a stone,

This love which I do feel even for her shade, And therefore, as one woos a graceful lady,

I wooed her in a field that wall all grass grid,

Led about with every lofty hill,

Yet shall the streams turn back, and climb up the hills, before love’s flame in the damp,

Wood and green burn, as it burns with a youthful lady,

For my sake would sleep away in a stone, my life or feed like beasts upon the grass,

Only to see her garments cast a shade…

When on her hair she sets a crown of grass,

The thought has no more room for others,

Because she weaves the yellow with green so well that,

Love that has shut me in among low hills,

Faster than between walls of granite-stone,

The love sits down there in shade….

P.S-We all miss you Mom…..waiting to be with you soon!!!





It Happens….

I’m so done with thinking through….

I can draw people with my happiness as well as push them away with my sadness. I didn’t want to hurt anyone anytime no intentions to do so….but sometimes I also lose myself which no one sees….

I look at the emptiness above and beneath me wondering where I stood. Was I flying or maybe close to falling down??

I’m so flustered, mixed emotions and then stoked that people don’t understand it is not me who control my thought when I’m in this state of mind instead my thoughts control me….

Once I get numb I’m at my worst…it feels like nothing can bring me back but myself!!

The feeling of repentance assures me that god doesn’t take people who are good but those who are forgiven….when we do something bad we either repent or forget about it and try to become good instead of asking for forgiveness… sole motto is forgive but don’t forget

It’s not the goodbye that hurts but the flashbacks that follow. We all need that utter desire of a powerful change in behaviour, situation but when it happens none of us are ready to accept it. We need to embrace change whether we like it or no.

The only thing I ask while I pray is change me, and let the people around me feel happy. The journey of changing one’s mind, heart, self or way of life can lead them to forgiveness….when we want happiness we should just be repentant upon smiling, be patient if tested and thankful to be alive and blessed!!!




I’m a message of gorgeous chaos, behind my smile is everything you will never understand. I’m a failure at everything…I’m a murderer who killed the girl I used to be.

Nobody knows the real me, nobody knows how many times I have cried alone without getting caught. No one knows how many times I’ve been let down, how many times I felt I can’t contain it but still do it for the sake of others, no one knows how many times I have lost myself, the thoughts I have in my mind which never let me sleep, don’t give me rest….Nobody knows me…..I feel I don’t own beauty to anyone whenever I looked in the mirror there was not one thing which looked like my own reflection, that I’m so invisible to everybody around me…the one who longs for a long-lasting friendship and relationship and be treated like a human.

I blamed myself all the time for what is happening to me and realised yes, I am a Murderer!!!!

But then a ray of darkness through light and they taught me that how there are times when I need to be alone also, to mould myself back in shape and then I’m thankful to the childhood that I got which was filled with utter imagination and stress-free, but since I have grown-up at first all was fine suddenly all changed I wasn’t me and nobody noticed that, I didn’t feel alright for a very long time too…..But after all this I still believe in timing which only God can do!!!

God’s timing is perfect.