HIM!!!

(Totally fictious, don’t relate it to my life)

I have feelings for him, someone whom I love but does he too??

This is my guy sweet and subtle, known him for months now but seems like forever. He thinks of me as intelligent and always right, also thinks as me being just a simple nice girl. His dream girl has qualities like this as far as I know, he wants his girl to not just be pretty, kind, pure heart, smart etc….but a girl who has delusions of things being more beautiful than they really are….

He is not just someone for me but everything now, he has deep sensitivity to the beauty of nature. Far more good I find in him is that awkward silence which feel releiveing for me, his heartbeats echo in my ears when he sits next to me. Amidst all of the other he is the only one who finds it hard to express his feelings, but if woke up from the bed I bet you could have never seen anyone with so high spirits.

His eyes are always eager, even though I can’t love him so much, I felt him yesterday and again fell for him today…this process keeps repeating!!! He wants to travel without his shoes on, go into the woods, find a new path and see where it leads to a better stand. Those lips are like candy, no one has ever noticed him much more than I did.

When I sit with him, my hearts tells me talk something but my mind says wait let him start..maybe back in his mind even he thinks the same like I do?? The warmth of his love I die for him to accept me the way I am is like fire….keeps changing, never the same. My heart sinks when he isn’t back anymore, and turns into a feeling of anticipation when I am looking out for someone who can’t come to you because of the place you are dragged into is just not your cup of tea to escape from. But I have realised that it’s better to love someone who loves you rather than whom you love…..

His way of thinking is like the quote–“You are not the mistakes you have made”. Very few of us can accept him/her with our sad yet happy past, but he is the one whom I don’t want to hide from anyone. He is the reason why I am confident to show myself outside, that insecurity of me being an badass introvert has faded looking at him, though he is the same as me!!!!

There are still more things about him but for now…I know he can’t be written even in a book because he is just UNIQUE for me!!!!

“For me his presence and absence both mean a lot” just that I would never let him know about it…..He is there loving someone while I silently love him here.

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Is this Fear?

“Philophobia”

Mistakes happen with everyone but changing how you act to them because of the situation is the biggest phobia we all have. This word are for the ones who are merely scared of falling in love, in my opinion people like these are the ones who don’t beleive in love or in themselves maybe.

In today’s world we all think LOVE is dieing for each other, we make promises and etc….love is nothing else but still seeing your grandparents together holding hands, standing for each other, even after fighting they forget about it and look up to each other. Even parents teach us about love…the blissfulness and hardwork of their shows onto us–parents stop their kids from using mobiles or hangouts with friends; yes, we do get angry-even I do get angry but on the brighter side it shows their love for us, their concern for us. A mother carries her child for just 9 months but a dad carries the child’s weight for lifetime….

Love just doesn’t signify age but also personality, character of the person….

Love never told us die for each other, break up with someone and love someone else. Love happens just once and that once is something so true that you can actually not only feel the physical bond but this spiritual bond too. It is said most of your true love you find in your hugh schools and I find this fact very true…..it’s a matter of fact there are break-ups and such bulsheivik things but that just makes us more stronger.

Love is the only feeling which makes us discover who we are; the more hard our love is the more great fighter we become. It is something worth fighting for but you should not be the only person fighting for it…..in relationships we all have to push ourselves. All relationships look perfect but trust me none are, these are those twilight bonds which tells us about it’s depth and we shoudl be faded in it, these are those small things which can be done in great ways to be peaceful.

Love is nothing to hurry about, go slow and endure every moment of it only then the fear of it will tarnish!!!

 

Akeelma’s Diary–#6

Master laid down still on the floor…

I was playing cherry tunes in my mind as well as sad tunes….though my master never treated a slave like us so well but he atleast gave us shelter!!

Now my mind was racing a million mile every second and there were butterflies in my belly to know where Kinjari is?? I had weird thoughts in my mind about him being dead like master… I ran to the second floor with the same feeling of bones melting and energy getting vanished as I think more!!!

I saw Kinjari lie on the floor with blood oozing from his head…I had million questions in my mind but I preferred not to ask him now looking at his situation…I used the first aid kit and polished all his ruins with deep care and love. My tears couldn’t stop flowing, he wiped them off and gave me gentle kiss on my forehead and told me everything is fine now; no one can separate us anymore…Kinjari never told me how did it all happened nor I wanted to know about it anymore, I was happy to be with him and that my prayers were heard

And so here I write this diary with all the liveliness filled in me, no slave anymore just the boss!!!

We should all remember even every boss has to go through a phase where the waiter was….Kinjari is all happy with this life. I never knew my dream was a reality until he came along.

We had left the master house after that incident took place…Jeline was sent to the mental asylum and we still go to visit her till date. The doctors say she has no improvement after that incident…..

This incident happened with me 4 years ago and sorry Dear Diary I’m telling it to you now….but I’ve settled well now…..all rise and shine, and tip-toes!!!!

Note–Hello fella and fellis…comment if you still want this Akeelma’s Diary to continue which would be the prequel of this story.

P.S–The prequel would be disturbing as well as depressing yet happy too!!!

 

 

Akeelma’s Diary–#5

I was devastated, completely stoked my sweet seconds of remeniscing turned into bittersweet seconds like a lightening flash. I somehow beat the demon inside my heart imprisoned my possessed soul and bolted towards the door without a beating heart, leaking thoughts leaving my mind empty…

I could hear Jeline still singing her song with the old Arabian dance followed by clapping of her hands like giant paddles. The only thing racing in my mind now is the worried pulse through my veins eager to hear Kinjari’s soft cry to make my body feel alive. He had told me he is proud of his brown choco (his pet name for me) and was scared of losing me and will never leave me alone….

I reached at the scene hastily, crawling on the floor like a worm still waiting for more sound my body was dead but alert eager ears. The fresh blood smudged yet still on the hall floor…..Blood, blood everywhere but I didn’t know who’s it was or it is?? There were traces of dragging, broken glasses, bloody footmarks and handprints bought shivers down my spine to think more about my Kinjari….my mind was racing so much that I heard a loudly said soft scream and chased the sound to my fullest….my energy was tarnishing so much, felt my bones melting but all I wanted to see was safe Kinjari…..

I ran halfway past the hall…THUD!! and I halted as if I had a sudden sprain on my feet turned so slow like a sloth, looked up to find blood smears on the railing of the second floor. Quickly looking down in the air filled with curiosity to see whose face it was??

I was taken aback to see HIM DEAD!!!!!

Misunderstandings

Just bcoz I talk to a guy from Spain he is elder to me and a nice buddy frnd of  mine some of the bloggers think we r dating….now what the hell is this and then they call themselves as modern kids….modern kids my ass!!!!

This is way bad than I thought all my relationships r getting worse people have an misunderstanding and a misconception abt things these days frst they tell love u is said in many ways even to ur frnds…so i told my frnd love ya…is tat a bad thng???

Yea he does flirt wid me and ol buy tat doesn’t means he does mean it I mean we mean it…..I remember I used to ask for kisses even from my girlfrnds call them babe, baby blah blah n they were supportive now I dnt have much frnds I have especially girls not my my fault if they have attitude problems now…

They say we will be wid me till the end n now see till the very end they all left me!!!

Frst change ur thinking then look at others not everythng needs to be taken in a bad way….we both frnds dint have any bad intentions infact he guides me abt gd n bad…while some of them r so sticky tat they dnt give u space also n u start feeling so suffocated tat u will die…..

I admit my nature is frank, friendly, i try to be more like mystery not showing anyone who I am n I bet no one has known me so well than I know myself now….huh!!! All is fake,just a showoff to put me down…in my life I dnt have less stress to take tat even ppl start treating me like this….I have been into too much of frustration I have seen the bonds between people breaking in my own family we shud not waste out time in bringing someone down but to light them up….we Indians act like a true Indian crab especially when it comes to girls…ahhh it’s so irritating I pray for everyone at night but forget to pray for myself….

It’s true no one see the good in u they only search for the bad and even when u find tat one person who thinks away from all the odds, they also like other no diff in the people n them too….they judge u from other ppl’s eyes…which shows how dishonest ppl they r in telling abt their opinion….

Love is not only a guy n girl being together….thr is a relationship of a brother and sister, relationship of a boy who is her best frnd…..relationship of dad and daughter….this is totally a misunderstanding n misconception in ur minds change it and u see everythng u will understand in just a drop of pen!!!!

I hope I have successfully conveyed what I wanted to and still if u ppl take it wrong sorry buddies I will still forgive u coz my mom has raised me better she has taught me to be respectful even to the hateful n nasty ppl n only if they cross their limits u show them ur side(my opinion)

Akeelma’s Diary–#4

I woke up with the same spirit in the morning, I knew Kinjari was with master but he hadn’t been come yet and my mind is filled with thoughts as to what has happened to him plus it’s been a whole day now….

Suddenly, my eyes went on my breakfast plate and it was empty again that wicked Jeline robbed my food. She has eyes on Kinjari too but he always looked at me even though she looked better than I do.  I would not be able to digest the thought of him being dead…he was the one who accepted me even when I had so many flaws not like others who just betrayed me and made me feel avoided while he made me feel needed. I know what his heart wanted to convey me just before he would say his words!!!!

I know Kinjari has been serving here way for three years and me just one year. Often I would think that why was he never gone into the auction block to get a new master, when I asked him he said master never let him go.  Sometimes I would tell him how much I urged to sleepwalk and during that time I would kill master, he smiled. The magic in his smile makes me feel I’m flying….reminiscing the times when I couldn’t sleep he pulled me tight close to his chest and told me he wants to hear a story…I know he wanted to hear my story that how I got stuck here I simply denied it…his sweet reply was in a quote which meant a lot-“Far behind the mountain lie unspoken feelings which do tell a tale”- Arth Chakraborty. Suddenly my eyes went over to Jeline she is acting so weird as if she knew what has to come…she kept on rocking hard chewing her thumb, she can’t even let me think about my love for few sweet seconds!!!

It’s a waste of time of time planning to kill master or wait for him to die..what has to happen will happen if this was written in my fate I have to face it….I just want my soul to be free while his spirit keeps me possessed the whole time. I went towards the door and filled with madness kept screaming his name…we slaves were kept at the basement of his house which had a stinky urinal at the corner of the room.

BNAG! BANG! I was scared….and Jeline popped with happiness and started screaming and dancing crazily around the room “Kinjari is dead”

 

Sorry!!!

Nothing I gain,

It all happened again,

It’s my mistake,

I’m the one, who has to take a retake,

There is nothing I can do,

But just go…

I admit this is my entire fault,

Yet no intentions for that trust assault,

When I leave I pray,

My body doesn’t welcome them in a tray,

Again I say….

While I lay,

Nothing I gain,

It all happened again….